


the universe hates us and we hate it too

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alcohol, Bathtubs, House Party, M/M, polyamory aspects, suicide is brought up a lot here (they really need to get on adding an archive warning 4 that), they are just sitting there complaining really, this story is an enigma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 15:30:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21460324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: alfred f. jones throws a party at the white house for all countries, which he is immediately outcasted from. one thing leads to another and he, kiku honda, and ivan braginsky end up sitting drunk in a bathtub contemplating about life.
Relationships: America/Japan (Hetalia), America/Russia (Hetalia), i mean they plan on having a threesome but, the polyamory is only slightly implied but america and japan kiss a few times
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	the universe hates us and we hate it too

**Author's Note:**

> i really needed to do a bit of creative writing and never actually wrote anything for hetalia yet so here we are! is this fandom alive still. anyways take the enigma that is my sadness in the form of writing

the three drunken losers-for-countries sat naked in the bathtub while the showerhead sprayed warm water onto their too-close bodies.

alfred had been left in charge of the white house while the president was dealing with a press conference in some irrelevant country, and alfred, being the man he was, threw a party.

which he was immediately outcasted from.

almost everyone showed up. allies and rivals alike, who would pass up free booze and food at america’s “place”, there was no beating it. so they all showed and ignored the blond.

alfred kicked the night off chatting with his best(ish) friend kiku honda, japan. soon enough ivan braginsky, russia, showed his face and the three ingested enough alcohol to push aside their differences and spark a flirtatious invitation away from those idiots and into alfred’s bedroom for a probably threesome.

instead they stripped their clothes and ended up in that dingy outdated bathtub.

the bathroom was completely dark, the only light being from some melty christmas themed candles alfred kept. the bathtub was a vanilla color (the paint was chipping though) and the drain was ringed with a thin layer of rust. the showerhead itself was partly broken, only a few of the holes spraying out water. the sink was stained with toothpaste and the laminate flooring was warped with water from previous showers. the three had drawn the shades and closed the shower curtain and now sat together side by side in silence.

they brought drinks too. any bottles they could sneak out without being caught by other countries’ prying eyes and the entire cheese-and-cracker platter. something had to keep alfred sane and if it was cheese and crackers, then god fucking damn it it would be.

alfred himself sat to his far left, water running onto his thigh from the bathtub filler. his left arm rested on said filler while his right hand held kiku’s. the two had made out a lot that night in their drunken glory. kiku sat on his knees, warm water dripping off his forehead and onto his stomach and arms. ivan sat to kiku’s right since he took up the most room and that was the biggest area (despite hardly any water reaching him. he had vodka so he was pleased, at least).

said russian started the conversation, words slurred slightly. “i am tired of being a country. i am tired of the immortality, the rules, the everything. i’ve been around far too long... da?” he asked the others for their opinions. ivan knew the answer. yes.

alfred was the youngest out of all three, seen the least, but had been in over his head far too much already. destiny manifest, pearl harbor, the revolution. his family hated him, arthur hated him, he wish he could do it over with matthew. “yeah dude. yeah.”

japan wanted to go home. he wanted to crawl under the covers and undo everything as well and just sit with pochi. it was all a mistake. he was power hungry up until he recently regained his consciousness to others. “yes.”

then it was silence again, besides the water trickling and the occasional munch of crackers from the drunken america.

“i have tried to kill myself before.” kiku stated plainly. “after pearl harbor. i did not want to be at odds with alfred, nor at war with canada or anyone else. it was too much to handle. but i could not die... we cannot die until the universe says our time is up and singlehandedly eradicates our countries.”

“deep shit man. me too. i.. i don’t know. i’m sick of it all. world meetings my ass, countries my ass, i want time to stop and just let us sit here and talk for eternity.” alfred ranted, burying his left hand into his hair.

“da. being a representative of this god forsaken world is really... something, hm? we are expected to be happy. we are expected to love our countries and ourselves and be distanced and be role models. well, comrades, i say no to this! i say no!” and thus, ivan chugged some more vodka.

“hai.” kiku simply added, placing a kiss on alfred’s cheek. “being a country is a curse rather than blessing.” he was going to add on but forgot what he was saying.

“let’s talk more some time.” alfred suggested dazedly, his mind starting to slip, “we can show the assholes at the world meetings the hero’s way to do it! we can... we can go in peace maybe.”

“maybe.” ivan added. “possibly.” kiku agreed.

and so they sat and sat in silence until they thought it was an excessive amount of water they were wasting, and piled into alfred’s bed to sleep through their growing hangovers.

being a country was a tough life, especially for those three.

**Author's Note:**

> yippie kai yay.   
i feel like i singlehandedly slaughtered them and made them out of character but i guess it’s okay. i mean the beginning was good. give me feedback if you want i guess


End file.
